Cartoon Poems!

The Ballad of Juan Kerr

	When I woke up one morning my girlfriend, she had gone. Well, if I was really honest I never did have one. But if I did have one she’d be bound to up and go: For I have halitosis and I live in Walthamstow (For he has halitosis and he lives in Walthamstow)
I’ve never had a job I was good enough to keep. No-one wants a man around who’s like a compost heap. Things were getting desperate, no cash and no enjoyment. I thought to myself ‘It’s time you went on the market for employment.’ (He thought to himself ‘It’s time you went on the market for employment.’)Oh, Mr and Mrs Kerr, you always wanted a son, but why , oh why did you spoil his life by christening him Juan?
	The girl at the Job Centre said in a voice quite tired, ‘Here’s the perfect job for you- No Experience Required.’ ‘It’s a job in a bank,’ she said ‘Me, a banker? Is that my style?’ She looked me up and down and muttered, ‘It sticks out a mile.’(She looked him up and down and muttered, ‘It sticks out a mile.’)
It was definitely a bank but not a financial firm; they paid people money for giving up their sperm. Well, business was quite slow: empty bottles on the shelf. I thought I’d do some overtime and fill the rest myself(He thought he’d do some overtime and fill the rest himself) Oh, Mr and Mrs Kerr, you always wanted a son, but why , oh why did you spoil his life by christening him Juan?
	I was earning from my sex life which was just the job because it yielded a high interest for a very small deposit. The manager was a tyrant, every company has ’em. He walked in unexpectedly and caught me mid-orgasm.(He walked in unexpectedly and caught me mid-orgasm.)
“Get out, get out,” he hollered “you disgusting little man. Come and get your P45 but please don’t shake my hand.” I was not to be beaten; I pulled up both my socks and tried telephone banking in a public call box(He tried telephone banking in a public call box) Oh, Mr and Mrs Kerr, you always wanted a son, but why, oh why did you spoil his life by christening him Juan?
	I was pulling my trousers up When there was a knocking at the door I saw the arresting sight Of the Long Arm of The Law Innocence was impossible The policeman was quite candid He said “I think we can safely say That you’ve been caught white-handed.”(He said “I think we can safely say That you’ve been caught white-handed.”)
It has been a long, long time since that escapade, I’ve spent all my money and lost what friends I made. Still without a girlfriend, for normal life I hanker, but such ideals just can’t come real If you are christened Juan Kerr.(But such ideals just can’t come real if you are christened Juan Kerr) One more time… Oh, Mr and Mrs Kerr, you always wanted a son, but why , oh why did you spoil his life by christening him Juan?