New! Cartoon Poem Section!

Yes, that’s right. In the navigation bar across the top you’ll find a new section where I am going to deposit any Cartoon Poems that I manage to dredge up from the archives or create anew.

I hope you enjoy them!


Rude Cartoons!

The following cartoons illustrate a FILTHY comic poem I used to perform (with the cartoons on a flipchart) around the Clubs in London.

Can you work out the story by looking at the cartoons?

Anyone who’s curious to see the original MIND-NUMBINGLY DEPRAVED and disgusting poem, just PM me and I’ll point you in the right direction!

Short Poem

Short Poem
Napoleon Bonaparte, Queen Victoria,
Ronnie Corbett, Frankie Dettori,
Mohamed Al Fayed, Carla from Cheers,
Angus Deayton, Ben Elton,
Michael J Fox, Red Skelton
Red Buttons, Dustin Hoffman,
And in built-up shoes,
Tom Cruise.
Lester Piggott, Mickey Rooney,
Ian Hislop, Rosemary Clooney
Lulu, Robin Cook, Dudley Moore,
Jimmy Clitheroe, Danny DeVito,
Lou Costello, Robert DeNiro
Al Pacino, Quentin Tarantino,
And in built-up shoes,
Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise

Burger King Innuendo – Cartoon Poem

Burger King Innuendo – The Aubergine Version

I was tired,
I was starving
I came upon a Burger King

Burger King

I was served
quite ungaily
by the undelightful Hayley.

Burger King Hayley

Her pale face
strangely had all
the charm of a whitewashed wall.
She was up
to her armpits
in french fries and greasy bits.
Her trousers
were far from clean,
being the colour of an aubergine.

Burger King 3

‘A Veggie
Whopper meal, please.
And could you leave out the cheese?’
‘Would you like
to go large on that?’
she said in a voice dull and flat.

Burger King 4

I thought of
my burger in her buns,
remembering what they say about the quiet ones.
I’m married,
happy with my station.

I had to ignore this blatant flirtation.

Burger King 5

I ate my meal,
not another word spoken
and left Hayley – probably heartbroken.

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